Blessed by light and burden of shadows. [ closed ]

[privatematter]

WHO Shannon Vaughn (privatematter), Eli Delacroix (aspectional).
WHAT Eli is an idiot; Shannon is curious. How exactly does D/s go down when you're not to the Having Sex stage in the relationship yet?
WHEN Late 1990. Seven months after Jumpscapades.
WHERE Shannon's place.

Shannon was anxious. Not in a bad way, but the anticipatory way that everyone got when something new and exciting was going up and there was no way it could go badly, but predicting the end outcome was almost impossible. It was a great feeling, but one that left Shannon feeling like a teen heading out to prom instead of a grown man getting ready to have fun with his boyfriend and potentially make some hilariously heartfelt gestures to express his trust in Eli. That was probably something he didn't do enough in general, actually.

Breakfast had been something simple. Pancakes, fresh cut fruit and sausage. Eli had come over pretty early to get ready, talking over the generalities of what they were going to do while the specifics were to wait for after they were done. Well, now they were done and sitting on the couch, and Shannon's leg was jiggling even under the hand he had placed on his knee to keep himself still. Lacey had wandered off after breakfast, stomach filled with her own food and presumably was napping on the foot of the bed in Shannon's room. Probably for the better, really.

"So," he said, ignoring the obvious tell he was giving off. If Eli took it for misapprehension, then Shannon was going to definitely lean over and smack him. "Where do we start?"

Comments

[aspectional]

"What, get turned on by me? I've noticed," responded Eli, his tone even while he said it. There was no anger at that fact, just simple acceptance of that part of their relationship. That he was manipulating his nerves to provide a physical response was a complicated thing that Eli wasn't sure he could ever really explain and he didn't plan on sharing with Shannon. "Give me an actual answer this time."

When he said that, he stopped working on the ropes and pushed Shannon back on the bed, Eli moving on top of him and staying very close to him. As he does that, he starts to manipulate his nerves again ever so slightly. "Talk to me so we can work this out together. I'm your Dom and I'm supposed to take care of you, remember? I can't do that if you don't give me anything to work with."

[privatematter]

He fell back quietly, looking a bit surprised at the change in position before he was chastened for not answering properly. It felt like something unwelcome was trying to intrude in on the moment they were having, but Eli was right. Eli was his Dom, he should trust it to Eli, there was no reason to be getting twisted up and confused but he couldn't help it.

His mouth moved silently for a moment, his breath suddenly caught as he felt that thrill tingling along the edge of his senses. "Yes, sir," he said after a moment. His hands twitched and he tilted his head once again. "I'm still... confused. I don't understand why now."

[aspectional]

Keeping himself close to Shannon, he didn't say anything at first. He then moved a little, laying on him instead of hovering above him. He didn't change the manipulation at all, not wanting to push him anymore than what had already been done. This was about walking through his confusion and clarifying things so that he could figure things out for later.

"I can't answer why now because I don't know myself," he replied gently, his fingers carding through Shannon's hair as he spoke. "It could have been because of our last scene together. It could also just be random chance that it happened now. Your confusion, is it because it never happened before or because you thought it would never happen?"

[privatematter]

He swallowed against a dryness of his throat that had little to do with his natural temperature. Eli laying on top of him was both grounding and somewhat calming. No matter what was happening in him, it didn't seem to be frightening his Dom off. Although he couldn't say for certain what might happen, for now he was desperate to be good and follow the lead he was given, trust his Dom to do what they both needed.

"I thought..." His eyes lidded, soothed by the hand through his hair and trying to force down his misgivings. "I thought it might never happen. Scared me."

[aspectional]

It would take far more than this to scare Eli off. He knew forcing the situation that there would be things said that he wouldn't like, but he also knew that they had to confront this before they could move forward. They could get through this and Eli was going to do whatever he could to help Shannon. For now, that meant laying on top of him, running a hand through Shannon's hair, and moving the conversation forward.

"You were scared of it not ever happening? Or were you scared of how I'd react?" His voice was calm and soothing despite the questions he asked. He wanted to let him know that he wasn't angry about any of this and that it was okay to answer the questions honestly. "Outside of confusion, how are you feeling about it now?"

[privatematter]

"Both," he said, hands twitching before coming up to grasp at Eli's biceps. It wasn't a powerful hold, but a desperate one. He needed the contact, as much as he could get right now. His nervousness was evident, although it was also easy to see that he wasn't nervous about anything Eli would do but himself and his own reactions. He wanted to be as open as he could even if he didn't understand everything he would be giving over.

He took a deep breath, tried to gauge what was swirling around in his head. It wasn't easy. "Excited," he murmured. "Worried. Unprepared?"

[aspectional]

"You don't need to be scared anymore," he said as he reached up and squeezed one of the hands on his bicep, not doing anything to pull him off. If Shannon wanted to hold onto him like that, then Eli was going to let him. He wanted him to feel safe talking about this and wasn't going to do anything to ruin that.

"What are you worried about?" Eli nuzzled the side of his face gently before kissing his cheek. If Shannon wanted contact, he was going to give it to him in the most affectionate way possible.

[privatematter]

There was a moment where he said nothing, merely pressing back into the contact they had made. He could feel the care being spent on him and it did wonders to help calm him down and find a center where he could work from. It had both the fortunate effect of helping him locate some words, but it also threw into stark contrast the stirrings deep inside of him that were causing so much turmoil in the first place.

He breathed, soft and warm and safe, and sighed. "That it won't last? It's... I don't understand it. What if something happened?" Things he didn't understand never really stood at a safe place in his mind; if he couldn't understand it, that made it possibly dangerous.