diversified | Blessed by light and burden of shadows. [ closed ]

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Blessed by light and burden of shadows. [ closed ]

WHO Shannon Vaughn (

privatematter), Eli Delacroix (

aspectional).
WHAT Eli is an idiot; Shannon is curious. How exactly does D/s go down when you're not to the Having Sex stage in the relationship yet?
WHEN Late 1990. Seven months after Jumpscapades.
WHERE Shannon's place.

Shannon was anxious. Not in a bad way, but the anticipatory way that everyone got when something new and exciting was going up and there was no way it could go badly, but predicting the end outcome was almost impossible. It was a great feeling, but one that left Shannon feeling like a teen heading out to prom instead of a grown man getting ready to have fun with his boyfriend and potentially make some hilariously heartfelt gestures to express his trust in Eli. That was probably something he didn't do enough in general, actually.

Breakfast had been something simple. Pancakes, fresh cut fruit and sausage. Eli had come over pretty early to get ready, talking over the generalities of what they were going to do while the specifics were to wait for after they were done. Well, now they were done and sitting on the couch, and Shannon's leg was jiggling even under the hand he had placed on his knee to keep himself still. Lacey had wandered off after breakfast, stomach filled with her own food and presumably was napping on the foot of the bed in Shannon's room. Probably for the better, really.

"So," he said, ignoring the obvious tell he was giving off. If Eli took it for misapprehension, then Shannon was going to definitely lean over and smack him. "Where do we start?"

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He still wasn't sure about the hesitation; what it meant, or how he was supposed to react to it. With his current position, he was at the mercy of Eli's words and actions with little to infer from aside from his voice and what he chose to give him. Normally that was all right, but with his mind spinning as it was for understanding and assurance, he felt somewhat displaced. Like the square peg going in the round hole.

He moaned at the hand in his hair, letting that feeling wash through him and lapse over the soothed muscles Eli had already worked his magic upon. It helped create a small eye of calm in the rumbling waters. "You'll be mine," he said, still grasping at the thought. "It's what I want. You."

If Shannon ever thought to asking him about it, Eli would answer, but since he wasn't, he wasn't going to tell him what it meant and that it wasn't a bad thing. Well, it was bad from a certain perspective, but not the one that currently mattered to either of their minds at the moment. All that currently mattered is that it wasn't something negative and instead a positive.

At Shannon's response, Eli moved to lay beside him on the bed, still petting his hair and holding his hand and definitely close enough so that their bodies touched. Eli didn't want to have him think that he was going away, after all. That'd be no good. "Then make me yours," he said in response, letting go his his hand to grab his collar, twisting it around so that he can grab the ring and tug on it slightly. "You know that all I want is to make you happy."

That was one of the most unexpected moves Eli could have made, and he hesitated for a moment when he was told to claim him. This didn't feel right, but Eli told him to, and he trusted Eli, loved Eli. His own nerves were surely just messing him up. He would rather trust Eli than in his own misguided instincts right now. He gained some confidence when Eli continued to nudge, then shifted enough to face him.

Hand reaching out to part of the leather outfit, he sunk his hand into it and pulled Eli in for a kiss, deep and long and needy. It was only the start of what he could try to do in order to claim him as his own, but as he had no idea what he was really going to do... well, it would be better to start off simple and feel the rest out from there. "You do," he said into the kiss. "You always do."

Shannon hesitating wasn't a surprise. Eli was forcing Shannon to go out of his comfort zone as a sub and tread towards the realm of Domming. It was a dangerous idea for Eli to push Shannon towards, but he knew giving his boyfriend security in knowing that Eli loved him was definitely worth the risk it had. After all, he'd do anything for Shannon.

It was pure instinct for him to kiss back and let Shannon control the kiss. He was in charge now and Eli wanted him to know that in whatever way he could. Whatever he was going to do, Eli was going to let happen and show him that he really was his. "Not always," he answered softly. "Not last time."

That made him freeze, a moment of displacement throwing him for a loop. He wasn't quite sure what to do with that information, and ended up ending the kiss to shake his head, hand tightening in the material. He didn't want to fall into that time when nothing had made sense and he'd torn apart at the seams all for Eli who had been so proud of him for it.

He shook his head again, shushing Eli quietly. "That's okay. You were happy... made me happy," he said, truthful through the confusion he was feeling. This wasn't exactly right and he didn't quite understand which way was up anymore, but he could tell Eli was giving him something and there was no way he would refuse it.

He was shushed and let Shannon speak. There was a moment in that where he wanted to point out that he wasn't happy, but he could tell that Shannon was having trouble even thinking about that time and he didn't want to ruin this. Instead he kissed his jaw, one hand going to Shannon's waist while the other stayed in his hair to pet.

"Then let me make you happy now," he murmured against his skin as he kept kissing along his jawline. There was an idea forming now out of the reminder of last time, of what Michelle used against him to break him. The hand on his waist was subtly manipulating Shannon's nerves, sending new signals through his body to start a reaction Shannon has never had with him. "Make me yours in whatever way you want."

The power of distraction was a strong one, and he let it pull his mind away from the thoughts of last time. Whatever the case had been before, they were here now and with each other, nothing to break the moment in such a horrible way as a total loss of confidence. He still had himself, and Eli had him, too. He even had Eli, and together they were going to come out just fine.

Feeling the stirrings inside of him in a way he couldn't comprehend, he stiffened and tried to assess where it was coming from. His mind was too scattered to make sense of it and he instead shifted to bury his head along Eli's neck, one leg curling and the hand in Eli's jacket beginning to knead at the material in a mix of nervous confusion and contentment of the spreading feeling. "Whatever way I want?" he murmured, knowing he was reacting far too openly but hoping to work through it in a way that he could deal with it on his own later. Eli shouldn't have to deal with him being such a mess.

Since Eli was focused on seeing how Shannon responded to this, he definitely picked up on his reaction. He took the chance to pull him closer, holding him as if comforting him. All while he did this, he urged the signals running through Shannon's nerves to grow at the contact of skin against leather.

"Whatever way you want," he confirmed with a gentle kiss on his shoulder as he petted his hair gently. "I'm yours to do what you want."

Desire was thrumming through him in a light pulse, something he hadn't expected to feel here and now and with present company. While it was not-so-hidden shame that his body usually protested the urgings of his mind, now it was coming so easily and he had no idea how he was supposed to use it. Well, he knew what one was to do but at this stage it seemed almost too awkward to contemplate. Where was it coming from? Would it be all right to indulge when it could just be some sort of one-off reaction? Eli wouldn't be expecting this, not from him, not like this.

He hummed against Eli's neck, shifting to take Eli's mouth and start to kiss him. Frustration, confusion and growing passion were alive in the motion, one hand shifting to cup the back of his neck while the other stayed still tangled where it was. That hand moved after a moment to slide down and discover the skin underneath, roaming over Eli's side while instinct of his body's reaction pressed against his misgivings and hesitations.

What Shannon didn't know was that Eli was expecting this and would be perfectly content to indulge into this and that Eli was going to make sure this wasn't a one-off reaction. He also didn't know that Eli was causing this on purpose to make him start having this as a normal response to their scenes together.

Making a surprised noise at the kiss, Eli did return it back, though it was slow and curious than any sort of eagerness. The surprised noise turned into a pleased one when he felt Shannon's hand against his skin and he tried to pull him even closer, wanting that contact, even while he was still manipulating his nerves to respond to this as well.

To reconcile his mental knowledge with his emotions with the new physical reactions was something Shannon was not prepared to do. It was definitely throwing him off with the swirling mess of a state he was already in, and he made a noise into the kiss unable to hide it entirely.

As stirrings continued despite his confusion otherwise, he rocked his hips and felt the reverberation of sensation all the way to his spine. He groaned, pulling away from the kiss to gasp. "This isn't..." He wasn't sure what to say. This was all out of the blue.

There was a pause at Shannon's reaction and he lessened his manipulation as he cupped Shannon's cheek and petted it gently with his thumb, noting his confusion and not wanting to push him too far. Eli didn't want him to freak out and if that happened, it wouldn't be good and Eli would kick himself for pushing Shannon before he was ready.

"This isn't what? Do you want to stop?" His tone was soft while he asked, not stopping the gentle motions with his thumb while he spoke. "All you have to do is say the word and we'll stop and do something else. I'd never do anything that you wouldn't want, you know that."

It was a natural decline now that he had pulled back and they seemed to have let the moment pass. With the hand on his cheek, he tilted his head forward to press his forehead against Eli's, breaths intermingling while he let the question filter through. Words weren't coming to him but that only made the offer more tempting.

"I know," he said. "Yeah. I do. Please... let's do something else for now?"

"We can do that," he replied calmly before he gave him a quick kiss and sat up, tapping his shoulder to get Shannon to follow his lead. Then he ruffles Shannon's hair affectionately and grins.

"I've told you about shibari, right? Japanese rope bondage that's more of an art than anything," Eli asks as he folds his legs against his chest and rests his head on his knees. "It tends to be a bit more painful than regular bondage, but you've got a bit of a masochistic streak about you, so I was thinking about trying it out on you. Would you be up for it?"

He pushed himself into a sitting position with arms almost too relaxed to support him. He slouched comfortably, head tilted against his shoulder. It was an immense relief to have reprieve from whatever had been going on back there and he couldn't help but let the confusion seep in at where it had come from.

His attention waned from that issue and shifted to what Eli was saying, imagination beginning to pick up the idea of what they might do next. With what he had already been told and the offer of it now, he found himself straightening and nodding in definite interest. Although he didn't know why he found it a good idea, why he liked the idea of pain and discomfort or why his body reacted so well to it when delivered by the hands of a loved one, that was the fact he now knew. This sounded like it would be just the thing.

"Definitely," he said. Remembering what else he had been told about it, he added, "Just... not from the ceiling." His muscles were far too relaxed right now after the massage to take that sort of suspension well, he suspected.

Eli smiled and laughed softly at Shannon's response before scooting over closer to Shannon and wrapping an arm around him to put him into a sort of hug. His desire for physical contact with his boyfriend was at an all time high and he just wanted to sit there and touch him as much as he could.

"I wasn't planning on hanging you from the ceiling today. There isn't a way for me to even try it because you don't have any of the rigging here." As he said that, he leaned his head again Shannon's, wanting to cuddle with him for a moment. "I'll need to grab the rope before we can do anything. Will you be okay for a minute or so while I deal with that?"

Pulled in as he was, he moved in order to rest better against Eli's side. It was comfortable there as if he were made to fit, or maybe it just felt like that. Either way, he enjoyed the comfort of it and let his head rest against Eli's with nary a word to the motion. His state of unprotectedness was far from his mind, since his Dom was there and was all the protection he would ever need.

When Eli said he needed to leave—just for a moment, faster than that thanks to his abilities—he huddled closer. "Okay," he said. He could definitely handle himself while Eli needed to step away. "Yeah. I'll be okay. You'll be right back."

At Shannon huddling closer and responding positively, Eli reached up to gently grab his chin and turn his head towards him so that he could kiss him long and slow. He wanted his attention all on him, not on the fact that he was leaving briefly, but on the fact that he was here now and giving his sub the affection he deserved. Letting go of his chin, Eli started to manipulate Shannon's nerves subtly again, though only giving a far more subdued reaction than previously and only lasting for a brief moment.

With his hands free and Shannon hopefully thoroughly distracted, Eli shrugged off his jacket and put it on Shannon's shoulders, covering him up with it as he ended the kiss. He reached up and petted his hair affectionately while he leaned in close to his ear. "There's no need to panic over being turned on by your boyfriend for the first time," he murmured softly and with a kiss on his cheek, he disappeared to grab what he needed to tie him up.

There was a slow warmth flooding through his chest. Just the soft, measured attention being given while asking nothing in return from him, nothing but obedience and love and affection. Everything he would give freely and without another thought to the man with him right now. The warmth ignited into a small spark, a quick stir inside and he huddled up inside of the jacket to hide the thrum of pleasure riding alongside the confusion it had created.

At the words, he could feel himself flush and he pulled the jacket closer. Didn't try to shrug his hands into the sleeves but found himself playing with the buckles to give his hands something to do. He wasn't quite sure what Eli said was true if only because his own trust in the reaction was not absolute. It was hard to hand that over when he wasn't secure with it himself, and he had to take a few deep breaths to remind himself that this was what his Dom was for. Someone he could trust to handle the things he didn't understand to do on his own. Why was he so hesitant about this in particular?

It didn't take long for Eli to grab everything he needed, but he didn't immediately return to Shannon. Instead, he waited a little bit, just enough to almost be too long. He wanted to give Shannon enough time alone with his thoughts to make him either settle things or start doubting himself. Whatever way he went, Eli would be able to handle it.

When he teleported back, he appeared sitting on the edge of the bed and turned to look at Shannon. "Put the jacket on properly. We'll start you off simple with this and move on from there." Eli then moved over to his side and petted his hair affectionately.

By the time Eli finally returned, he had worked himself into something of a doubtful tizzy. It had been much longer than a minute and he knew Eli was quick and efficient when he wanted to be. Was Eli dallying? Maybe it hadn't been as long as it felt with the other issues crowding around his brain and he was making a big deal out of nothing. He still didn't understand where everything was coming from all of a sudden. It couldn't have been that last time they were together, could it? It had been something else, something he'd never quite expected, but this sort of reaction didn't seem to jive...

He snapped toward Eli immediately when he returned, hands already beginning to slip into the sleeves. Locating the buckles, he took the initiative to press closer to Eli while he got the jacket on the rest of the way. "Simple with what?" he asked, voice almost a purr. He still wasn't sure what that wait had been about, whether it was real or imagined or what it might mean on either side. The best he could do was to stay close and stay good to try and keep it from happening again.

Not surprisingly, Eli acted like he hadn't taken very long to return to him. When he saw Shannon's hands move to the buckles, he stopped him, wanting him to keep the jacket open for this. He then grabbed Shannon's hand and moved it to the rope he had so he could be reminded and what they were doing.

"Tying you up, of course," he responded with a grin before he tugged on his collar playfully. Eli didn't waste any time, starting to tie the rope tightly into a harness over one side of the jacket. For the other side, Eli pushed the jacket down off his shoulder and upper arm so that he could put the rope directly on his skin, making it just as tight, making it start to dig into his skin a little. "How does that feel so far?"

His fingers curled at being stopped, but he caught on soon enough. He let his fingers twine up in the rope for a moment before they got on to business. It wasn't overly rough or full of split-ends like utility rope and it wasn't so smooth as to have no texture at all. He could feel how strong it was just from those touches and that gathered his interest.

As Eli started to wrap him up in that selfsame rope, he did what he could to make himself open and easily moved for whatever was planned. His breath hitched and muscles twitched when one half of the homemade harness was tied directly around his side. "Good," he said. It was a force without weight, solid and heavy and unforgettable while it pressed into his skin and captured part of his attention. "Like it already."

At his response, Eli leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm glad to hear that you like it," he said as he tightened the ropes a little bit more and made sure that the parts of the harness that he had done so far sat on his body properly. He didn't want it to sit wrong and actually hurt him.

He had noticed that all was not right in Shannon's head and as he worked on moving down his body, he decided to focus on him and walk him through what he was thinking. "Talk to me. You're still feeling uncomfortable about what happened earlier?"

Lips pursing, he tilted his head away. It was hard to know what he was letting through without the context of watching Eli's reactions. He was usually good at it, fantastic with letting his emotions sit where he wanted them to or shutting them down so that no one could read him, but when he was open like this... sometimes he didn't know what there was to be seen.

"That's never happened before," he said, uncertainty lacing his words. It wasn't a direct answer because he couldn't bring himself to say, Yes, because being turned on by the person I love most is confusing me. Where his heart and mind stood firm, his body had never joined along like that.

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